If you’ve been following along with us for awhile–especially on Instagram (@hollybowmanxo), you’ll know that we are homeschooling our dear George (#thebowmanshomeschool). When we were living in Toronto, we homeschooled him for Junior Kindergarten and now that we’re living in Hamilton + especially with the pandemic, he is homeschooling for his Senior Kindergarten year.
I remember sitting down and writing out a blog post when we made that final decision to homeschool him for JK + I never published it. Looking back now, it seems wild that I never shared it but I have a very good feeling I didn’t hit that precious publish button because of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of judgement, fear of uncertainty in our homeschool journey.
With a year and so under my belt, I am no expert–not even a little bit–but I finally feel compelled to share my thoughts on homeschooling my kiddo + thought I would actually share the post I wrote over a year ago. This post was written end of August 2019, before COVID was even a thing. Oh, how I long for the days when COVID isn’t a thing…
ANYWAY.
Here is the long lost blog post with all my emotions + thoughts very much on display. I share this to encourage and to inspire those of us who might be leaning towards homeschooling moving forward or for those of you who are in the cozy (and sometimes really really hard!) trenches of home education. Please let it be known, I firmly believe (most) educators whether at school or at home are angels. It is not lost on me how lucky we are to be living in a country where education is available. This is in no way a criticism on educators–I have a gaggle of friends who are teachers + damn good ones at that.
Written September 6th, 2019 and edited throughout the last few months of 2019:
I’ve literally sat down to write this post for what seems like months.
Some of you saw my post on social of our very first day of Junior Kindergarten–I very briefly shared why we decided to keep George home this year instead of sending him off to Public School. But I wanted to dig in a little deeper + share more of my heart on the matter.
I had been feeling pretty weary about sending George off to JK since January. I mean, what mama is 100% not an ounce sad/scared/worried, right? I chalked it up to mama feelings and ignored it. George was finally thriving in his mini Tools for School pre-school program that he attended for two hours a week + although I didn’t register him straight away for school, it was always the plan that he would go to JK with every other kid his age.
I kept feeling a tug on my heart about the idea of homeschool + what my vision was for my family throughout the year. I ignored it, naturally. There was very little chance that we would go against the grain, not to mention, my husband + I did not see eye to eye with homeschool–so that would have been hard. I kept ignoring the tugs. I kept ignoring George’s lack of enthusiasm about the upcoming school year. I tried to ignore his response to going to his new school to be registered (the second last day of school before summer break–yep, I waited until the very last second…) + I kept ignoring the anxiety that I felt was creeping up.
Once George was officially registered, I felt a bit better–at least I would have an answer when other mamas would ask me what school he was going to. At least I felt less “behind” and less judged. But y’all, I felt terrible.
I felt like this was not the right decision for us. I started to mourn my days with George at home. I tried to reason with George when he would tell me “I don’t want to leave the family” or “I don’t want to go to school” + he would be very visibly upset. I waxed enthusiastic about school and all the wonderful experiences he would have.
Before I go on, I’d really like to say this: I LOVED school. AND sharing our decision is in NO way meant to devalue yours or make you feel like you made the wrong decision for your family or you’re not as much as or you are less than–NONE. OF. THAT. This is simply our story + this decision did not come lightly nor did it come to us overnight. I really want to make sure that is known. Never would I ever want you to feel like you are not supported by me or this little community that has been created. Okay?! Okay.
SO.
As the summer was drawing to a close, I found myself bringing up homeschool with my husband. Who promptly shut it down. With allllll the reasons you are probably thinking of if you’ve never been homeschooled or never spoke to anyone who has been homeschooled…”he won’t be socialized with other kids”, “oh, I guess he’ll never make a sport team”, and my favourite “we need to give him a chance”. All of these concerns and considerations are not wrong. Obviously my husband wants the very best for his son + he fully and completely agreed with me on the insanity of full day kindergarten for 4 year olds, but what I would counter with would be along the lines of “he doesn’t seem ready” and “he can do extracurriculars and not be burnt out” and “why not learn at his own speed without the pressure of hitting certain standards at age 4?”. Y’all, we went back and forth. A LOT. Like, a lot. I also cried, a lot.
After much discussion, Aaron and I decided that we would enrol GBB into JK for half days–he would attend his public school in the morning and I would pick him up in the afternoon. We both felt relieved with this compromise and I was genuinely settled in our decision. I emailed our principal and gave them a call + after a week-long wait, I was able to have a phone chat with the principal about our arrangements. He was friendly. But I was disappointed in the zero wiggle room to change up the standard schedule. I had spoke to many mamas not only in Toronto but in surrounding cities that had no issues creating a half day schedule or a 4 day week for their littles. I was left with a sour taste in my mouth–especially when I was told half days don’t work as the school wouldn’t get funding…not exactly what I was hoping to hear. And, I get it. School is a business–of course, I want the school to get funding! Not even an ounce of me doesn’t want that. But this mama bear didn’t like the way it felt like GBB was just a number. I got off the phone with the principal with an agreement to do two-weeks half day to “ramp up” into full time.
I didn’t like it. Not one bit. I felt like I had no control. I was so pleased to know Aaron wasn’t super into it either.
But, we decided, okay, let’s give it a shot.
So, Monday night before school started, I was up ironing GBB’s name on every article of clothing + packing lunch and organizing his new backpack. Hubs was putting George to bed–who was VERY upset + was fighting sleep because he didn’t want to wake up to go to school. Aaron came out of the room + sat down with me and told me he was okay to have GBB stay home one more year if I was. We would ask George in the morning + hold a short family meeting to make sure we were all on the same page. I could feel my husband’s heart in that moment–he knew what was best for George this year. We all felt it.
Needless to say, George was thrilled. He was relieved. He smiled bigger than I had seen in weeks and I could feel his anxiety dissipate. I called the school + let them know that this year, we would have George stay home with us.
Over the last month and a half, we have played + laughed, and created play dough creatures. We take weekly trips to the library, read books, and sing our ABCs. We also enjoy Planet Earth together and GBB has really taken a likening to Bill Nye the Science the Guy. And the best part of it all?! I get to watch George + Eloise play together and build their incredible relationship. Fostering the foundation of their friendship and siblinghood might easily be my most favourite thing in the world.
Even when days are tough + I know it would be easier on me to have George in school, I know that having him home for this bonus year to cuddle and love on + play with and discover new interests with is an experience and memory I will look back on very fondly. My sweet, sensitive, and vivacious four year old.
Sigh.
I can still feel that deep tug. That uncertainty. That fear. But alongside it, I feel pride and strength and gratitude. I am grateful that I listened to the tug and that we did what we felt was best for our family + now that we’re in our second year of homeschooling, it is really starting to feel real. And while we are not focusing on algebra or physics or essay writing, we are playing + sounding out our letters and recognizing words + reading great stories + going outside when the weather fares. There’s group counting + hilarious YouTube months of the year videos + dance parties and rabbit holes of research and discovery + sibling bonding (and squabbling too, don’t you worry–we have lots of it in this home, ha).
We take it day by day + year by year. With uncertainty all around us, the one thing I hold very near + dear to my heart is that this family has had this incredible opportunity to be together, to learn together, and to do so on our own schedule. Where we can do workbooks after workbooks or ditch them for the day + run outside and find bugs and watch for birds or do a few learning games here and there + spend the rest of the day playing LEGO or building forts. It sounds very romantic, doesn’t it. Well, it kinda is. And somedays not so much. But we have this chance to hold onto childhood a little bit longer + snuggle and cuddle and giggle + be silly together.
I know I’m going to look back on this time + really miss the struggles over simple addition and the smiles over reading sight words. That tugs at my heart too. XO
Brillant and touching Holly❤💞❤