So.
This has been something that has been on my heart for the last few months. Aaaand to be completely transparent, it is something I am still working on personally. If you’re like me + are a total podcast/personal development junkie (you can find my personal favs here!), you will often hear something along the lines of “you must show up for your life” or “let’s reach to live our very best life”, etc.
And although I fully believe those two sentiments, I often am sitting there like “but howwwww + what does that look like for me?”.
That’s exactly the thing though. It’s going to look different to you than it does to me.
For me, showing up for your own life means to live your life on your terms and in the way that makes you happy. That you are living ethically, authentically, and truthfully. Embracing your quirks, your strengths, your nerdy obsession with 90’s pop love ballads.
It’s about living your life happily and with no apologies. Showing up means doing that thing you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t.
It means not breaking promises to yourself. It means not waiting. It means not allowing the opinions of others dictate what you want to do/can do/should do…
But if only it was easier to just do that, right?! Heck, it is hard to put ourselves first.
Mamas + women, I know you feel me. I know you feel me like, woah. It is just easier to tell yourself “It’s fine, I’ll take that weekly yoga class after all my kids are in school”, or “I guess I don’t really need that new pair of jeans, I’ll just make these work…”. It’s also much easier to not have others change their lives or schedules around so you can show up for your life FOR YOUR FREAKING SELF…something doesn’t add up here.
I share this because this is where I was at. And I was living in this weird dark life-sucking place that I couldn’t even recognize fully. I didn’t realize that I was holding onto resentment towards my kids and my husband. I didn’t realize that I was literally giving up on my goals and my dreams and my pursuit for well-groomed eyebrows.
And the scariest thing is that I knew that my goals and dreams had changed since becoming a mother (which by the way, is not the problem!), BUT I didn’t know what was next for me.
And maybe a few of you reading this are like “omg Hol, you get the ability to stay home and raise your babies–they are the most important, who cares about your goals and dreams right now?” HA. Y’all. It’s totalllllly fine if you had that thought because I know dang well that I did. And that sometimes I still do.
But hear me when I say this.
I LOVE staying home with my babies. I LOVE raising my children. I LOVE our slow mornings and chaotic afternoons and the fact that Eloise is obsessed with the toilet especially when George is using it. I LOVE IT ALL.
But you know what I don’t love?! Feeling like I’m invisible sometimes. Feeling kinda “meh” about myself. THIS IS NOT ABOUT MY CHILDREN OR MY HUSBAND.
THIS. IS. ABOUT. ME.
And I will not (I repeat, WILL NOT) sit back anymore + not make myself a freaking priority in my life.
When I am doing well, my family is doing well. As the heart of the home, it matters. I matter just as much as our obese cat who lives like a king but is actually the biggest jerk ever #cattoagoodhome.
My goals and dreams have changed and evolved, and so have I. I am so excited that I go to yoga twice a week. I love that I put together outfits every single day + don’t live my days in jammies and sweats. I love that I spend time creating content on new platforms + that I have a tribe of amazing women in my FB online community. I love that I set aside time every single day to work on gratitude, and writing, and reading, and podcasts. I love that I work from the comfort of my home. I love that I can put my work away + play with the kids. I feel so much happier knowing that I am SHOWING UP for my life. And not for anyone other than me. I’m like my very own hero!
There’s this analogy about a vase + self-love and honestly, it couldn’t be more true for me. Picture yourself as a vase. You have allllll the water in there + you start to pour some of that water into others (children, spouse, friends, your aunt Muriel, etc) and then you no longer have any water left. You’re depleted. A gust of wind would knock you over + you’d shatter. You have little water but you’re just kinda waiting for someone else to fill up your vase again–giving someone else the power to fill you up.
But honestly, imagine if you just made it a freaking priority to continue to fill up your own vase?! You’d be filling up and filling up + all the water would just cascade over into others leaving no one depleted; leaving no one sad and empty. And heck, you’d be doing it all yourself–making yourself a priority + showing up for yourself. You’d be taking full responsibility for your happiness + your life. Because NEWS FLASH: your life is your responsibility. Your happiness is on you.
Annie Dillard says it best and it is so very true. I wish I could say that the first time I read that quote, I felt a gigantic sense of certainty + clarity in my life.
Truth bomb, I actually felt the complete opposite–crippled with the idea that I was spending my days wearing the same sweatpants I wore for the last 3.5 years, not feeling capable of being fully present (and enjoy it) with my children, confused as to what I wanted my life to look like, and feeling alone with my feelings.
I knew I couldn’t be the only mama/woman in the world to feel this but it sure felt like I was living on an island. A very isolated island in sweatpant land where I shamefully would shove 10 Ferrero Rochers into my mouth without even tasting them in an attempt to cope with my overwhelm. And then cue the guilt of eating said chocolates…
ANYWAY.
Happy to say that I’m on the other side of all. of. this. AND looking back at this weird funk I was in–that’s exactly what it was: a funk. It was deep and dark and unhappy and weird as all hell.
But I survived.
And sis, if you’re reading this and you’re like OMG HOL I HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM WHAT I LIKE AND WHERE I’M GOING! I’m here to tell you: it’s ok. It’s actually 100% totally okay. And being aware of that is literally the best place to start.
I urge you to sit and write out (get yourself a journal + write it allllll out old school style!) all the things you CURRENTLY do.
Write down all the things you WANT to.
Write down all the things you LOVE about your current situation.
Write down all the things you want to CHANGE about your current situation.
Having a write up of the space that you’re currently in + then having a write up of where you want to go (your best life!), will give you two things:
- the understanding and certainty that you are in fact somewhere (sweet!) + you are actually DOING so many good good goooooood things. you HAVE a lot of wonderful things + people around you. YOU are amazing as you are.
- a visual look at where you want to go; a road map to your own personal greatness! yay!
With these write-ups, sit down and gently map out some changes that you want to have in your day to day.
What new habits do you want to form? For me, it was going to a yoga class. I’ve always wanted to go weekly to a class + have the dedication (and discipline!) to do that.
So, I went to a yoga class with a friend of mine (who, to be honest, had told me about this class for months before I set foot in the studio!) and decided right then and there that I was going to make it a part of my weekly routine to go to yoga.
This felt so incredibly powerful for me. This felt so insanely life-changing. Because, y’all, it’s not about the yoga class–although it is freaking amazing–it’s that I’m SHOWING UP FOR MYSELF. It’s that I decided I wanted to do it (+ with the support [and total nudge!)] of my husband), and I started to do it + now it’s a twice a week habit of mine. And it’s such a special time for me.
I know this is only the beginning for me. I know that sitting down and getting my word count in for this (once-neglected but never again!) blog is also a form of showing up. I know that putting my phone down + spending quality time with my kids is showing up for my life. Getting a babysitter so I can have a date night with my husband is living my best life–I am showing up intentionally wearing one of my favourite hats, wifey. It’s about showing up as the highest version of yourself every day + even if that looks like washing your face both morning + night–whatever that looks like for you! It’s personal and deeply important.
And please remember, my dreams and my goals and my version of showing up for my life is going to look different than yours. Be really intentional and specific in your above lists and really visualize where you want to be/do/have. The world is yours.
So.
It’s about MAKING YOURSELF A PRIORITY. It’s about ENJOYING YOUR LIFE.
Stop waiting for someone to give you permission to do something for yourself (but if you want it badly, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GET YOUR NAILS DONE SIS!).
Stop waiting for the perfect time or when the kids are in school or when you have more money or you have more time or or or or fill in the blank.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. Show up for yours. And friend, I’m here, cheering you on, EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
YOU’VE GOT THIS.
XO