Sleep. The number one thing every parent gets asked about, a lot.
I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been asked how GBB is sleeping. Is he sleeping through the night? Is he a good baby?
He sleeps well. He sorta sleeps through the night. I mean, we co-sleep. Yep, we share a bed. No, I don’t roll over him. Good? Yes, he’s a baby. Of course he’s good.
ANYWAY.
Sleep.
Some most nights, I am absolutely exhausted at bedtime. I’m ready for my sweet GBB to drift off to dreamland + luckily, he falls asleep pretty quickly. And that is our norm, but some days, oh my word, it is a G R I N D.
On those nights, I get frustrated, tense, + bedtime becomes so serious and I can feel my forehead hurting because it is so tight. It’s ridiculous. Thankfully, I know I am not alone in this. Right? Riiiight? ;)
So, tonight. As I went into his room for the second time since putting him down to sleep (to cuddle and comfort nurse), I could feel myself tense up. I’m tired. I don’t want to do the whole rocking + nursing + hope you fall back asleep combo tonight. I don’t wannaaaaa. Today was a day that I felt like all I was doing was making sure he sleeps; I’m obsessed with it. It’s crazy. I’m crazy, you guys. I am tired.
But as I picked up my little warthog and brought him over to the glider with his body relaxing in mine, his face so serene + so perfect, I couldn’t stop staring at this perfect angel baby.
His lashes, his cheeks, his pursed lips. I never want to forget the way he looks when he’s sleeping so contently in my arms. The way his breathing syncs with mine and how completely comfortable he is cuddled up to me. I want to remember the way he snuggles close + giggles in his sleep. The way his little chubby hands curl around my arm and my lower back when he nurses. The dimple on his left cheek.
George smells like perfection and his cheeks are so soft, his hair so fluffy. Heaven on earth.
Suddenly, I remember my favourite parenting mantra “this is not an emergency” + my exhaustion settles and I rock, nurse, and stare at my baby. And yes, I instantly feel guilty that seconds ago I was wishing, hoping, praying that GBB would just go to sleep + give me a bit of time alone (ugh, writing that makes me so sad, but sigh, the truth stings sometimes). Mom life is the most rewarding life. But, it can be really hard + really draining.
When George and I are out and about, I’ve had plenty of strangers comment on his cute he is (I mean, duh!), how beautiful his eyes are (he got it from his mama!), and strangers have consistently told me to savour it all. Savour all the moments; even the ones that seem so mundane or frustrating, because it all truly goes by so fast. And I believe each and every one of these people. Because it’s true. Time is a thief.
I am working hard on savouring each moment, regardless of how utterly exhausted I am or how badly I want alone time. George is doing so well; he is incredibly happy + is enjoying his solo sleeps in his room on his Montessori floor bed (he starts the night off in his bed + then I bring him into our bed because it’s better for me #selfishmama ;) ), and he is healthy. And that’s all that matters.
And one day, he will sleep through the night. And one day, he won’t need me to help him fall asleep. And one day, he won’t want to cuddle close + hold my hand while he drifts off to dreamland.
So.
I’m savouring the exhaustion, the rocking, the nursing, and the broken sleep. I’m savouring each and every sleep question. Because these are the days. The very best days of my life.
XO