Seeing as hubs and I are the first of many of our friends to leap into the world of parenthood, I thought it would fun to share how + when I knew I was ready to become a mommy.
I always knew in my heart of hearts that what I wanted most in this life was to have a large family to love. Since I was very little, there was (and is!) nothing I love more than big family get togethers; kids running around, enjoying delicious food + drink, and being surrounded by great loving company (and y’all know how much I love a good party!). Ugh, it makes my heart sing, you guys!
ANYWAY.
Hubs and I met when I was 22 years old + I knew pretty much right away that our love was going to be something big and life-changing. I knew within a few months of dating that I was going to marry him. I also knew that he would be a fantastic father. And I was right.
At the beginning of our relationship, Aaron’s little sister was born and we were lucky enough to be able to spend every Monday night with her from the age of three months on. Monday nights were our Emily nights. Those nights were hilarious, wonderful, and I always loved playing house with him.
I also loved being just the two of us. And I knew that I wanted to be married for at least a year before we started our family. I was also working on my acting career (more on that in a later post!) and with that came it’s own set of personal challenges. I bounced back and forth on whether we were ready to be parents, did I want to be a mommy this young (funny how it’s so different nowadays, my mom was done having her kids at the age I got pregnant!), and was I ready to “sacrifice” my independence/life/blah blah blah? Writing that last sentence makes me want to cringe now but it was 100% my thought pattern at the time.
Knowing that hubs and I were going to start trying for a baby after our one year wedding anniversary, I made sure my body was in tip top shape–and I’m not talking about fitness (because we allllll know I’m the worst with that), although that is definitely important. I am not a smoker, I do not do drugs, I have the occasional alcoholic bevy, and I live a very clean life (aaaand I’m obviously flippin’ perfect, haha, eye roll) but I saw my doctor for a checkup, had a few dentist visits (mouth hygiene is hugely important + especially so during pregnancy, did you know that?!), was taking my prenatal vitamins for 5-6 months before we were going to start trying, and I upped my water intake. I wanted to handle all the things I could control + make sure my body was the perfect home for a little baby the best I could.
I might have been physically set to have a baby (again, with what I could control) but I still had looming worries of whether or not hubs and I were ready and prepared to be parents. We continued with our plan + were so blessed to get pregnant quickly. I was shocked when I took the test (which is hilarious because we were trying). It should be noted that our first month of trying to conceive felt like a military drill. Poor hubs. I was relentless. “I’m ovulating now! Now! Now! Now!”, it was so not fun, ha. Little did I know that my iPhone app tracked my ovulation wrong…geez. How dare it?!
ANYWAY.
There we were. We were parents-to-be (you can read alllllll about that moment here) and we were thrilled. I was also scared. Nervous. Worried. Excited. Elated. Tired. Nauseous. And Worried.
Yep, worried twice. And not because something could happen to the baby (although I definitely had those thoughts as I expect most mamas do!) but because I was worried I wasn’t ready. Or prepared. I was worried I wasn’t cut out to be a mom. I was worried we didn’t have enough money. I was worried my body wasn’t fit enough pre-pregnancy. I was a big ball of worry. Ugh. Gross.
As my baby bump grew and grew, I heard #littlebabybowman’s heartbeat and saw him on the ultrasound, and as our due date approached, those worries were still present; quieter but present.
George Bear made his arrival and those worried thoughts got replaced with the deepest feeling of love I could ever imagine. I could weep when I think about the moment I realized I was his and he was mine. When I saw him in his daddy’s arms + when I held him in my arms for the very first time, I knew that I was ready. I knew I was prepared.
I knew that I was ready to be this little baby’s whole world. I was ready to nurture and love him more fiercely than I had ever loved anyone before. I was prepared for my heart to burst wide open and soar with every milestone reached. I knew that I was ready and prepared to be a mommy.
I knew that every little worry I had did not matter. I knew that George didn’t need me to have a super fit body. He just needed (and needs) me to hold him, feed him, and love him. And he definitely didn’t (and doesn’t) care how much money we have in the bank.
You can have it all planned out to the very last detail but regardless of how physically ready you are, it won’t matter, sorry!
Because yes, being a parent is a physical thing, but it is much more than that. It is emotional and it is spiritual. It is more amazing, more exhausting, more frustrating, and much more all-encompassing than anything you can dream of.
And I feel so very blessed to be a mommy. My life just wouldn’t be the same without our little boo.
XO