Doozies. That’s what I’ve started to call all my mama hurdles, because they really really are doozies.
I’m in the weirdest mama transition of life. My baby is over three months old (almost four months, what!?!) + not technically considered a “newborn” anymore. GBB is awake more, totally alert and aware (he’s a genius!), and his personality shines through more and more each day. I couldn’t be more in love.
With that being said and with being one to strive for excellence + perfection (because we all know that exists), I’ve been finding myself newly overwhelmed with “what-ifs” and “couldas, shouldas, wouldas” and “am I doing this mama thing right?”. Ugh, talk about crazy-exhausting.
Should I continue to co-sleep?
Should I be getting George to take a soother?
How hard should I try to get him to love his crib at nap time?
Is it bad that I don’t have a schedule?
I’m totally avoiding putting him in the carseat, is that wrong?
ETC ETC ETC.
Seriously, what the eff.
I am not one to complain + I genuinely don’t enjoy bringing negativity to my blog/life/universe. There’s so much of that in the world already that I really do not wish to play that game + contribute. However, I wanted to share that I, too, am having mini mama moments of insecurity + indecision. And not always, but sometimes. And those sometimes can make me wish my coffee had a lil extra bite to it (if you know what I mean!) ;).
So. I often question myself and whether I am doing a disservice to my son because he doesn’t particularly enjoy soothers (he has the real goods, so why bother? See, I told you: genius!); won’t stay sleeping at nap time unless he’s in my arms (ugh, he smells so good + his little hand on my chest melts me!); cries in the car especially when I’m driving solo (and this makes me walk everywhere, see ya later baby weight!); and is fed on demand + generally goes to bed at night when I notice he’s sleepy as opposed to a strict schedule (and sleeps really well in our bed + rarely ever cries!)? ETC ETC ETC.
Honestly, it’s exhausting. And the constant “what-ifs” are silly. The “couldas, shouldas, wouldas” are pointless (you learn as you go!), and self-invalidation is utterly ridiculous + completely unhelpful.
So. I do all the above things + more. I am human. BUT I’ve decided to be nicer to myself (I would never judge another mother/person the way I judge myself!) and to validate my knowingness. George is the happiest, healthiest, little nugget of love. He is the product of my motherhood + how Aaron and I parent. It’s not easy and every day brings it’s own challenges/lessons/cuddles, but that’s life. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
The other day, my bestie G told me: “Life is new every moment. Every moment is a chance to be better, be smarter, be kinder” and I couldn’t agree more. I am 100% totally inspired by that truth and I’m going to start applying that to myself + I urge you all to do the same. One moment at a time.
We’re all doing a fantastic job. Even in the middle of our doozies.
XO